I'm too close

Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned— Romans 5:12

This past Friday I celebrated the lost (home going) of a dear friend; Yet she was much more than just a friend for me. The very church that I am now a board member she brought me into. I enjoyed her innocence of the scripture and the wisdom of her words that come only after years of loving and fearing the Lord.

Earlier this year my mother died and I thought I would look to her for the wisdom forged with time that I would now be without.  Because by nature I sit at the feet of those that have decades in Christ, even as the Apostle sat at the foot of Gamaliel. So, when I finally recovered from dealing with my mother’s death, she was already in the battle for her own life. Death, the result of the sin of Adam sought to capture her. Therefore, rather than look to her to comfort me, I found myself once again looking to Jesus to heal her. 

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Don’t get me wrong, for my own sanctity I so needed to see the goodness of God on this side of His glory. I needed a supernatural healing, and while I cried out to God for months on end, hoping for a healing miracle, it seemed as if God could not hear me.  My mother died, as I sit next to her hospital bed, and 4:45 am on January 3^rd  and here I was once again looking over the someone I loved, Who I was confident had gone to be with the Lord.

The Scripture says “We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.”  (2 Corinthians 5:8) And the very hope of everyone that has ever loved the Lord is to be in His presence, So I should be happy, I should be full of joy. However, if I were to tell the truth the pain has not stopped. Because I miss them.  I miss them both.

And I know right now they are in the presence of God enjoying a goodness that my limited mind cannot even imagine, and I should be happy, but I am jealousy that they are as we used to say “in a better place” and I can’t love them anymore. 

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The Apostle Paul ask the question “Oh sin where is thy victory? Oh death were is thy sting?” (1 Corinthians 15:55) and for me the sin does not have a victory. But there is still sting is in the death of those that I love.  How do I get to love them again?

There is a song by the Willaim Brothers called I’m too close. The song speaks of staying the course as Paul says for another reason to once again get to see our loved one. It goes something like this;

Yeah I'm too close, I can almost see God's face
I'm a little bit too close, And I'll tell the world I love his grace.

I'm too close, I wanna see my own mother again
I'm too close, To be shaking hands, shaking hands With all my friends

Say I’m too close, to heaven.

I can’t turn around, I promised the Lord , I wouldn’t turn around

You brother in Christ

TCharves FireSpeaks